假音人的香港輓歌
20051124,22:24
由這一分鐘開始計起
死性我不想改 如我沒有你的愛
我慢慢的心淡 付清賬單
做隻貓做隻狗
就擊倒我麼
我只想一個人 如傷口深到任誰望我 都不敢看人
若你想我吠
做隻貓做隻狗
我將畢生威武放低 做塊階梯給你墊底
未算低做隻貓未算低做隻狗未算低做隻貓未算低做隻狗未算低
要多荒謬有多荒謬
20051122,20:18
香港公務員不可以是同性戀？
20051121,11:48
做功課的時候讀著周華山寫的一篇”Colonialism and the Birth of Sexual Identity Politics in Hong Kong”。最教我震驚的是，香港政府原來由七十年代開始有著明確措施打擊公務員隊伍中的同性戀「問題」。我嘗試從網上找尋更多資料，不果，只好將文章相關的部份節錄如下。
及至現在，政府仍未肯定將《性傾向歧視條例》立法，也就是說，如果一個人因其性傾向而遭政府解僱，她／他並無「透過法律程序就歧視行為作出申索的渠道」（參考）。既然尚未立法，到今時今日，政府仍然無需修訂它的性傾向歧視政策－－三十萬公務員隊伍中，有多少個衣櫃同志？所有負責教育和社會福利的公務員若「只可以是」異性戀者，那意味著甚麼？！
(In 1970s) Alarmed by these homosexual offenses in the civil service, the government hoped to reclaim the esteemed image and normality (read heterosexual masculinity) of the civil service, and decided to establish the Special Investigation Unit (SIU), which was formed with the principal task of discovering and prosecuting homosexual civil servants who could be potential blackmail victims.
(P.65)
As stated by the Law Reform Commission Report in 1983, government policy was that “known practicing homosexuals of either sex, should not be offered appointment in the civil service…. It was later acknowledged to be a circular issued by the office of the Secretary for the Civil Service” (1983: 30)
(P.66)
In the debate on the Equal Opportunity Bill in 1993-1995, the government actually opposed protecting tongzhi rights in employment and other social services. Worse still, the government has nevr changed its policy that any civil servant found to be a homosexual will be fired.
(P.78)
Panic Attack
20051121,00:10
A Panic Attack is defined as the abrupt onset of an episode of intense fear or discomfort, which peaks in approximately 10 minutes, and includes at least four of the following symptoms:
* a feeling of imminent danger or doom;
* the need to escape;
* palpitations;
* sweating;
* trembling;
* shortness of breath or a smothering feeling;
* a feeling of choking;
* chest pain or discomfort;
* nausea or abdominal discomfort;
* dizziness or lightheadedness;
* a sense of things being unreal, depersonalization;
* a fear of losing control or “going crazy”;
* a fear of dying;
* tingling sensations;
* chills or hot flushes.
英培安．戀人絮語或者紅樓隨想
20051114,08:29
01.
你一定流過淚。
我的意思是說，你是一個戀人的時候，一定流過淚。
我第一次閱讀《戀人絮語》，是關於眼淚的。在Susan Sontag編的Barthes: Selected Writings裏。Susan Sontag摘錄A Lover’s Discourse的第一篇文字就是英譯的”In Praise of Tears”:
“By weeping, I want to impress someone, to bring pressure to bear upon someone (Look what you have done to me)”。
（頁004）02.
而愛的符號是不確定性的。弗洛伊德對未婚妻說：「唯一使我感到痛苦的事情就是無法向你證明我的愛情。」
反之亦然。
戀人也無法弄清楚對方是否愛他。「他沒有任何可靠的符號系統可以指望。」所以，《絮語》的叙述者說：「符號並非證明，既然誰都能製造出虛假或模糊的符號來，由此不得不接受（完全是自相矛盾地）言語的至高無上的權威：既然沒有任何東西能給言語作擔保，我就將言語當作唯一的、終極的保險：我不再相信詮釋。我把對方也把我的話當真。由此可見袒露心跡有何等重要，我想從對方那裏把表達他感情的方式奪過來，並不斷地對他說我愛他；沒必要暗示或猜測：要想讓人知道一件事情，那就得把它說出來；但同時，只要它一經說出，那它就很可能是真的。」
（頁017）03.
其實是癡。
（頁009）04.
寶玉以佛偈來表示自己「赤條條無牽無掛」，是掩飾自己對感情的牽掛，也恰巧顯示了自己的牽腸。寶玉的佛偈，即是掩飾他情感的墨鏡，也是顯示他情感的代用品，是他哀傷的符號。
（頁019）05.
《戀人絮語》裏當然也提到心。
「心是欲望的器官。」巴爾特說：「它擴張、收縮，就像性器一樣。例如處於想像中時，它會壓抑消沉或心花怒放。別人，或是對方怎麼對待我的慾望？這種忐忑不安的心境就聚結了心的所有活動，所有『問題』。」
寶玉與黛玉互相要求對方了解他的心，是不是要向對方追究、提出質問？追究、質問對方如何對待他的慾望？而他們的慾望是甚麼呢？黛玉和寶玉的心也一樣會擴張、收縮嗎？
（頁035）
默契音樂: múm台北Live 12/3
20051113,20:25
雖然我不喜歡展覽的名字
20051113,15:24
可是她們當中有我最喜愛的名字。賴俊穎魚旦頭表示，她會展出「小魔術」。還有彭倩bee跟黃淑 ki。還從名單中發現了我的秘密朋友山地哈密瓜（Sandy），所以我一定一定要去看。
(可按圖放大，來源：http://www.oneaspace.org.hk/)
媚觀‧世音 七個新生代女攝影人
Muse Gaze Seven female photographers of a new generation
開放時間：
星期二至日： 下午二時至晚上八時
星期一及公眾假期休息
What’s a Modern Girl to Do? - New York Times
20051112,13:28
What’s a Modern Girl to Do? - New York Times
By MAUREEN DOWD
Published: October 30, 2005
－－這是零五年十月份NYTimes.com的Most Read Article
Maybe we should have known that the story of women’s progress would be more of a zigzag than a superhighway, that the triumph of feminism would last a nanosecond while the backlash lasted 40 years.
Despite the best efforts of philosophers, politicians, historians, novelists, screenwriters, linguists, therapists, anthropologists and facilitators, men and women are still in a muddle in the boardroom, the bedroom and the Situation Room.
It was naïve and misguided for the early feminists to tendentiously demonize Barbie and Cosmo girl, to disdain such female proclivities as shopping, applying makeup and hunting for sexy shoes and cute boyfriends and to prognosticate a world where men and women dressed alike and worked alike in navy suits and were equal in every way.
But it is equally naïve and misguided for young women now to fritter away all their time shopping for boudoirish clothes and text-messaging about guys while they disdainfully ignore gender politics and the seismic shifts on the Supreme Court that will affect women’s rights for a generation.
What I didn’t like at the start of the feminist movement was that young women were dressing alike, looking alike and thinking alike. They were supposed to be liberated, but it just seemed like stifling conformity.
What I don’t like now is that the young women rejecting the feminist movement are dressing alike, looking alike and thinking alike. The plumage is more colorful, the shapes are more curvy, the look is more plastic, the message is diametrically opposite - before it was don’t be a sex object; now it’s be a sex object - but the conformity is just as stifling.
